14-05-2021
Gambling Messed Up My Life
Jul 20, 2019 My life is a mess. For more than 15 years I am addicted to gambling, porn and alcohol. I never tried drugs thanks God because this would be on my list.
Hi, when I was in my late teens, my life was looking promising. I was happy, popular, confident, ambitious, and just someone who loved life. I loved life and especially the simple things in life. I remember a time when I used to genuinely get excited about the things I enjoyed. However, Gambling addiction which I developed from about 19 has destroyed everything in my life and I’m now 31. It has destroyed my personality, my relationships, my hope for the future and of course my finances. I could literally write an essay on gambling and how it has destroyed my life. I now find myself with no hope and in despair. I've let my whole family down and my mum is now depressed and is drinking far too much mainly because of my gambling and how it's ruined my life and consequently hers.I sit here now, back living at my parents with no girlfriend, no friends, no money, a lowly paid job, and no hope, with thousands of pounds worth of debt. I now have no confidence or self-worth, no self-belief, and I’m always depressed, a complete contrast of myself before gambling. Even if I never gambled from now on, it would take me years to pay off my debts. I'd love to have a wife and family and go on holidays with them etc, but what girl in her right mind would want to go out with someone who's got no money and loads of debt, is back living with parents and in a dead end lowly paid job, with no car. My future is looking bleak. Everything I hoped for when I was younger before my addiction is now looking unachievable. I wouldn't wish gambling addiction and its effects on my worst enemy. It's ruined my life and I’m sure many others. I'm feeling lower and lower every day and I’m actually worried about what I might do. The constant worry about my debt, the anger with who I've become, the fears for my future, the sadness of what could have been, the frustration over what I’m going to miss out on, is all becoming unbearable. People view me as a loser and rightly so, living with my parents in my 30s with no family or money and with a depressed personality. No one even wants to talk to me. All because of gambling. I'm just another example of how gambling addiction has destroyed a decent and intelligent person’s life. I keep thinking how life is short and is passing me by very rapidly and how you only get one life. I'm just constantly upset. I want and need someone to talk to who understands. I'm worried I’ll never be in a position to have a loving relationship and have a family. What will be the point in my life if my addiction prevents me from achieving this? I desperately want to make my family proud and to be able to say to my mum that I’m debt free. I want to give her the grandchildren that she desperately wants. I need help. I keep making the same mistakes. I just feel so down, depressed and fed up. I just don't know how to cope with all of this or what to do next.
Something else which I find hard to bear mentally and which is baffling to myself let alone anyone else is that a few years back, I actually won enough money to pay off my debt at the time. But as I was in gambling mode my addiction took over and I was unable to think about anything but the gambling. Inevitably I lost it all. Some people will probably say all my problems serve me right for being so stupid. The thing is, even I don't understand why I have no control when I’m gambling but I simply don't. It's like I have a different brain inside my head when I’m gambling. I had won all the money i needed to win in order for me to pay off most of my debts and think about my life and my future. Not only that but it would have made my mum so happy if I was able to tell her that I was almost debt free. All I had to do was not do anything stupid and yet I did. Why? I really don't know. Is my addiction really that bad that I can risk being almost debt free, being able to leave the job I hate, being able to make my mum happy, and being able to really think about my future and what I want to do with my life etc. Obviously it must be. This makes my mental state even worse. In fact, it didn't surprise me one bit when I heard that out of all the possible addictions, alcohol, drugs etc, Gambling addiction has the highest suicide rate amongst its sufferers than them all. As a sufferer this does not surprise me. Gambling addiction put simply, really does kill people. I think government need to think about putting restrictions in and come up with some ideas to try and tackle the problem. Of course however, the government makes too much money from us gambling addicts so they would never even think about it unless the problem significantly escalated.
Gambling has made me so depressed and fed up that I’m not really talking to anyone and distancing myself further from people at work. I realise how stupid I've been but that's what gambling addiction does to me and I don't know how I can get over this. I feel so depressed right now and unsure what to do. With my debts I just don't see a way out and I feel like time is running out for me. I could really do with a soul mate. A girlfriend to love and to love me back. Someone who could accept and understand my situation and give me a chance. This seems unlikely and maybe even unfair given my current situation.
I Messed Up My Life
Sorry if I went on a bit and thanks for listening. Any positive comments and advice would be massively appreciated. 
But I recovered from it. I recovered from the anxiety, depression, ugly feeling it gave me. It ruined me. Mentally i was ###$. Physically I didn't want to do anything. I didn't want to see or talk to anyone. It robbed me of my livelihood and years of my life. Thank ###$ I picked myself off the floor and realised no more gambling. Why did I live in hell so long? That's what it is. Hell. 
Gambling ruined my life but I recovered and became a better person because of it. Choose a path that isn't gambling and change your life. Choose to end the gambling hell because there is no such thing as one more bet.